1. Welcome to LFB

Welcome to LFB, the home for spotting, sharing, and celebrating life’s delightful contradictions, bureaucratic head-scratchers, and downright irrational moments. Inspired by our founder, Sir Spencer Alistair Stirling IV—and his theory that all absurdity originates with Large Flightless Birds—we use humor, wit, and occasional sharp satire to bring these real-world oddities to light.

Our mission? To turn the spotlight on those situations that make you say, “Wait…that can’t actually be real… right?”

2. Our Voice & Tone

Playful, Whimsical, Slightly Off-Kilter

• We encourage comedic takes reminiscent of Jon Stewart or John Oliver, shining a light on real-life, illogical happenings.
• Self-awareness and irony are welcome. A dry, matter-of-fact tone can also work if the subject matter itself is absurd.

Allow for Range

• Content can be lighthearted, silly, or pointedly satirical. We support a variety of comedic voices, as long as each piece is anchored in genuine absurdity (not just shock value).

Respect for the Reader

• We trust our audience to “get it.” If the absurdity is obvious, no need to belabor the point with over-explanation. Sometimes, a single screenshot or a biting one-liner is all you need.

3. What We Consider Absurd

We define “absurd” as any event, policy, memo, sign, quote, or scenario that is blatantly irrational, illogical, or hypocritical—something that contradicts common sense or defies a straightforward explanation. Some examples:

• Catch-22 Policies: “All vacations are canceled until morale improves.”
• Contradictory Rules or Signs: A sign that reads “No parking in the non-parking zone next to the real non-parking zone.”
• Hypocrisy & Contradictions: A group that preaches tolerance yet bans anyone who disagrees, or a politician condemning something while secretly doing exactly that.

Real vs. Invented

• We focus on real absurdities from daily life—bizarre local news, government documents, HR memos, or corporate bulletins.
• Occasional “What If” scenarios are allowed if they spin off a genuine absurd situation (“If this continues, soon we’ll need to fill out a form to request the form that requests another form…”).

Offensiveness vs. Absurdity

• Offensive content can be published if it clearly showcases an absurd element and is presented in a satirical or comedic light.
• A submission that’s purely hateful, or that lacks the comedic or logical contradiction angle, likely won’t make the cut. We decide on a case-by-case basis.

4. Types of Content We Publish

Short Form

• Quick hits, single images, screenshots, or short text pointing out a real-world absurdity.
• Perfect for those “Is this memo for real?” moments.

Long Form / Rants

• Commentary or investigative pieces that dive deeper into a particular absurd situation, à la John Oliver or Jon Stewart.
• May include historical context, multiple examples, and comedic analysis.

Visual Media

• Photos of contradictory signs, bizarre instructions, or surreal official notices.
• Videos capturing an absurd event or comedic commentary on a real situation.
• We prefer real evidence or verifiable sources when possible; however, an anecdote with a strong comedic angle might still be considered.

• Recurring Features
• The Great Auk’s Blog: Occasional in-character posts from our beloved “honorary leader,” tying everyday absurdities back to the underlying LFB mythology.
• LFB of the Week: A highlighted piece chosen by editors or by popular vote, showcasing a peak example of real-world madness.
• User Votes & Hall of Fame: Users can rate content via the Absurd-o-Meter, with top-rated submissions entering the Hall of Fame.

5. Submission Guidelines

Provide Context & Evidence

• If you have images, screenshots, or links that back up your claims, please include them. This helps underscore the “yes, this actually exists” factor.
• A short explanation or backstory can help readers appreciate the absurdity. In some rare cases, leaving out context might heighten the effect—but choose wisely.

No Serious Calls to Action

• We’re here to point and laugh at life’s contradictions, not to incite protests or orchestrate takedowns.
• Absurd or satirical calls to action (“We demand everyone wear socks on their ears to protest these contradictory sock rules!”) are allowed if they’re clearly comedic.

Tone Flexibility

• Dry, sarcastic, silly, enraged, or whimsical: pick the style that best underscores the absurd nature of your discovery.
• Just remember to anchor your piece in genuine illogicality, not random shock value.

We Reserve All Editorial Whimsy

• Meeting these guidelines does not guarantee publication. Our staff (and possibly a real or metaphorical flock of Large Flightless Birds) might reject a submission without giving you a solid reason. Sometimes we’re guided by vibes, cosmic chaos, or just a bad hair day.
• Submissions that “just don’t feel right” might get turned down, even if they technically fit the categories.

6. House Rules & Commenting

Community Civility

• Good-natured ribbing and comedic critique? Absolutely. Personal attacks or hateful language directed at community members? Absolutely not.
• We’re allergic to “mean for the sake of mean” commentary.

Focus on the Absurdity

• Debates should revolve around the logic (or lack thereof) in a post, not around insulting the poster or other users.
• If you can add comedic flair or extra evidence to highlight the hilarity, go for it!

Editorial Moderation

• Our editorial team can remove comments or submissions deemed too far outside the comedic/absurd scope, hateful, or problematic.
• Persistent rule-breakers risk banishment to the realm of flightless birds, a.k.a. site suspension.

7. A Simple Self-Checklist

Use the questions below before hitting “Submit” to see if you’re in LFB territory:

Does it contradict itself or defy common sense?

• We love contradictory policies, catch-22s, or ironically hypocritical stances.

Is there a clear element of “This can’t be right, but it is”?

• If your piece makes you (or your friends) respond with a wide-eyed “Huh?!”—it’s probably a winner.

Is the humor/absurdity linked to illogical nature?

• Offensive or graphic content is not automatically out, but it must underscore a genuine absurdity (not just shock).

Do you have any evidence or context?

• Photos, quotes, or links help. If it’s purely anecdotal, bring your best comedic storytelling chops.

Is there at least a kernel of truth?

• Even if you spin off a “What If” scenario, it should stem from something actually happening. The real world is stranger than fiction—use it!

8. Legal Bits (In Our Comedic Way)

User-Generated Content

• We operate under the principle that user submissions do not represent the views of LFB.
• We do not assume liability for user-generated content, per the guidelines of Section 230 of the CDA. (We might occasionally highlight or remove it if we deem necessary.)

No Trigger Warnings Required

• We trust you to manage your comedic approach. If you’re unsure, run it by a friend first; if they cringe, maybe revise.

Arbitrary Discretion

• The editorial team reserves the right to remove or reject submissions at any time, for any reason—logical or illogical.

Privacy, Security, and Use

• Standard disclaimers apply regarding personal data, but we’re not big on fine print. We do comedic disclaimers, and we do have a more formal legal T&C if you really want the dryness.

9. Putting It All Together

• Keep It Real: We want absurdities rooted in factual occurrences, though mild comedic exaggeration or “What If” expansions are welcome.
• Keep It Funny / Thought-Provoking: Show us the contradiction or hypocrisy. If it’s baffling, maddening, or so ironically misguided that it becomes humorous, it’s probably perfect.
• Keep It Civil: Our greatest comedic jabs should be aimed at life’s illogical nonsense, not at each other.
• Expect the Unexpected: Just because we love your piece doesn’t mean we’ll publish it. Chaos is our brand, remember?

10. Final Word: Embrace the Absurd

At LFB, we believe every day has its share of contradictory signs, bizarre office rules, and head-scratching policies. Our job is to shine a comedic light on them and invite the world to laugh alongside us. By following these guidelines, you’ll ensure your submission hits that sweet spot of irrational, comedic, and delightfully contradictory.

Welcome to the flock—now go forth and share the absurdities you’ve encountered. And if anyone asks, just tell them the Great Auk sent you.